Blue Tooth: Blue Truth

I'll be the first to admit being lazy is a serious problem of mine, and many others throughout the fat-ass'd USA. But sometimes being lazy is fucking stupid.

These swag'd-up business men with this "blue tooth" technology. Are these fucking guys serious? Nothing stresses me more than to see some bro in his Infiniti driving down I-495 cherping away with a little blue-tooth in his ear. Holy hell, just use one hand and hold the phone, the other can still steer, I promise.  Or those dudes walking around the airport with their blue-tooth shoved in their ear, all the while they think to themselves: "I look fucking cool, my tie, my suit, oh, and my fucking blue-tooth!" I'm not sure if they think they look more important, or they think when someone does finally call them, their hands will be so completely full that answering their blackberry will be seemingly impossible. God.

..Nothing is worse than a dude with a blue-tooth, well, actually there is one thing..

Those guys with there iPhone7 or whatever harnessed securely to their belt. no fucking way! This shit is ridiculous. If a pair of pants has a belt, most likely, it has fucking pockets. Just put your mobile in a pocket, holy shit.

Hopefully your phone has 4G, talk on brotherz.

J.Sketch

Who is to blame? #Pervertz Part II

Am I really to blame, like fucking seriously.  Who wouldn't look at the hot chicks in the gym with spandex and sports bras on looking like Ballet Total fitness commercial bitches.  And then they have the fucking nerve to do lunges and run?  You don't dress like that at the gym and then execute exercises that make everything bounce or excite the mind.

Now once again whoever made people made all men a certain way.  I don't care if you are the pope you are sneaking a peak and that girl gets added to the mental memory bank.  I'm not saying that a bro will go out of his way to go the gym at the same time to peep a shorty out and see if she could be a potential #d.a.b.  Going back at the same time is acceptable if you talk to her and "rap" at the prospect.  But making a habit of it with out conversation exceeds the sketchy point.  That's when you turn into that stalker guy.  A real #broham never ever turns into the stalker guy, he turns into LBJ in the fourth quarter against the Celtics in the playoffs, #clutch.

But once again it's not my fault at all for taking peeps in the gym at these two brunette manikin looking prospects.  I don't think they mind it either...they come in when I lift.

Keep a watchful eye out my main bossez

J.A.S.

We love our #Momz

Happy Mothers day to the most important women in the world, our two mothers.  With out them then there would be no #LRTz or this #brotalk.  We would never have even graced this cyber world with our words.  So everyone in the world should say thanks to our two moms for having us.

Thank you to our moms for having us and raising us the way you did or we would not be here, typing away on the best blog #knowntobro!  We love women, so lets just clear that up to everyone who thinks we don't.  You all can go yell about @PerpWetness or something.  We love our women or we wouldn't talk about them as much.  But we love our moms the most, they are the two best women in the world and there is no debating that.

So thanks for being our moms and have the greatest Mothers day #knowntobro, from the #LRTz group!

Sincerely,
J.Sketch and J.A.S.

Who is to blame? #Pervertz

Who doesn't like fake tits. Yes, they're artificial, but who the hell cares? Women pay thousands to have what I like to call #Treasure Chests. These chests are great, and the women who get them are brilliant. At times, I wonder to myself how I've become such a pervert, but I have come to the conclusion that it really isn't men's fault. Women are completely to blame.

Women and their tight ass clothing. How the fuck are we perverts? These chix strut around in fucking #jeggings, are we not supposed to look at your ass? Even society says, "Hey fellas, We are going to make it acceptable for women to walk around beaches in water-repellent underwear (bikinis), but you should not stare, get aroused, or even think about going to ask one of these women to fuck."  You wonder why we approach you ladies with one thing in mind, and we all know what that is.

Back to fake tits or whatever they're called these days, what is the point of them? Sex appeal, I think. These girls want to look at us like we're fucking retards when we approach them wanting to #slaughterhouse. Well sorry women, Your fake ass titties told me to come over here. Your extra-mini bikini also insisted I walk over here. My Bad, sike. Fuck that. You spent thousands of dollars to gain some extra attention from bros, and then have the audacity to get mad at us when we want to #slamJam you. And no, not like #slamjam, but more like #SlamYou. But hey, we're the fucking perverts.

Bros, keep after them. But do take no for an answer, or well... you'll have some legal troubles. Good luck during "beach season 2011."

J.Sketch

#SlamJam a bro's dream

For all of the bros who have ever wanted to jam out something vicious on a rim.  Straight MJ or 'Nique something we have found the solution.  It goes by the name of #SlamJam.

No its not "Slam Ball" the failed experiment on TNT when losers had to bounce off trampolines to jam on a ridiculously high rim.  All you have to do is take a mini hoop and set that iron dream at around 8 feet and let the imagination flow.

Windmills, 360's, Tomahawks anything you can think of are available for the even average bro.  You can jamz like your main boss LBJ or Kobe "Young Legz" Bryant.  Hours can be spent jamming for your daily cardio to get that beach bod.  Forget P90X and Tony whatever his name is and the sweet crossing of the forearms.  That doesn't get you #swellz, Slam Jam does it all for you.  Don't be in envy of the "brothas", you're and bro, you can do anything and we have figured out the way for a bro to jam just like the wanna be slam jammerz.

And if you are a real #SlamJam fan you will bring this to the office like my mans @Sheediddy14 and #SlamJam on your breaks between TPS reports and lunch.

Slam on brethren and enjoy, courtesy the dream weaver

J.A.S.

The Art Of Common #Courtesy

Common courtesy is always appreciated, but sometimes over-practiced. There are times where being nice actually isn't very nice, at all.

These predicaments blow my mind, if it was my dick, I wouldn't be complaining. But anyhow, this art I speak of is the all common "opening of a door." Most people open up or hold a door for fellow bros, ladies, and even complete strangers. But there is always that one person who is just too damn nice, and his common courtesy turns into a fucking burden. For example, I'll be damn near 20 yards from the door, and the dude wants to hold it and be a nice guy. Or, I'll be mid-way up the stairs, and dudes at the top of the steps just waiting and waiting.This courtesy then forces me to walk faster, rush, and sometimes even slightly jog. It sucks. I would rather just open the fucking door myself, honestly. Meanwhile, as your rushing and knowing this door holder is making everything a fucking hassle, you have to approach him with a smile, and even say thank you. Because you know, if there is one thing worse than the premature door holder, its holding the door for an asshole that doesn't say thank you.

Just time it right, fellaz. If you're going to hold the door, please, only do it if it makes life easier for the bro behind you. Dude's Dueces.

Big Upz to a fellow bro, yes, literally my bro. He surfaced the idea and has been a victim of these 'over the top' door crimes, go head and follow him up @JkSutch23. 

J.Sketch

#Gym Etiquette - Part II

Here we are again, speaking of the gym. The gym is a great place, but like i said before, some #swellerz are just too much.

These meat-monsters who have a tendency to pace before a set, back and forth, back and forth. Its like, does he want me to go do the fucking set for him.  Just #chellz fellas, do not sit there and do a few minutes of light cardio, pacing over and over before a set to make sure your mind is right, its the fucking gym, not a history test. Or, actually, why the hell do people do that? It is to prepare the mind? Shit, I don't even know. But, I do know this: when those meat-monsters are doing their pacing, they get fueled by the attention people like myself give to them. Well, Pace-makers, the audience you've created is looking at you in a complete and utter "what the fuck are you doing?" way.

This is part II, so I have to talk about this whole spotting situation. Gym bandits, if you do happen to disregard all #gym etiquette and make another #swellington take out his ear phones to ask: "Hey buddy, can I have a spot?" Please, please, Jesus and all heavens, let us provide a proper fucking spot for you. Do not shout, "I got it" when 200 and some odd pounds is falling onto your chest and your eyes are bulging from the sockets. You did ask me to spot you, right? And, the point of a spotter is for safety, right again? But hey, fuck it, I'll just stand here and listen to my iTouch while this barbell crushes your sternum.

Get her next time, bro. Pace on, Indiana.

J.Sketch

#sock Jockz

There is one thing for certain, socks can add to a pair of shoes, or greatly take-away. Socks have the capability to turn an entirely dope-ass outfit, into nothing less than an eye sore. Here is how:

One: Brothers, you cannot try and rock socks that aren't name brand, like really though. Don't hike your mid-socks up unless they have a "swoosh" on the side of them. And another thing, if your shoes are Nike, do not try and rock mid-high socks that are adidas, puma, reebok, and the list goes on. Make sure, I beg of you, that your socks correlate with the name brand of your #kix. Spend the extra 10 dollars and purchase some fucking name brand socks, c'mon.

Two: Ankle socks are mean't to be worn around your fucking ankles! One of the most treacherous sites known to bro are "supposed to be ankle" socks stretched to the calf. Holy shit, they are ankle socks. Wear them there. They are supposed to appear as if they do no exist, so do not stretch them, do not pull them, leave them out of site.

Three: This must be done age appropriately.   If you're under the age of 40, do not buy mid-high socks and roll them down, no one needs to see that. I'm not even sure if that was ever cool, but its certainly not cool now.

Lastly, unless you're a ball-player of some sort, do not try and "tote" mid-high black socks. The Fab-5, the bro's who introduced Nike to the "black sock" epidemic, created this for athletes. You know it looks awfully stupid when someone who is clearly not athletic rocks socks like that. Its weird, because you think to yourself as you look at his fresh kick/sock game: "There is something wrong there, What the fuck is it though?"..I've realized this:  it is because this fell'uh isn't an athlete. Just rock ankle socks if there is even a slight chance you may be that kid.

Keep'em clean too, fellaz. This is dedicated to E.Bowerz. This blog was inspired by his "off the wall" tactics of socking. follow him on twitter @EBflow20

J.Sketch

#BroKickz

Jordans and Nike's have always been in style, since we have been wee bros running around in the strap ups but only true bro's stay with a kick game throughout there lifetime.

 Obviously you need your sandals because life is a beach and we're just chilling in the sand via my mans Lil Tunechi, but for reals cop the thongs and rock them on the chill back days anywhere.  Rainbows pref due to the quality and lifetime guarantee.  If you have a typical rough night with a bunch of your main mans and the next morning your flippy floppy is ruined you can always send em in for another fresh $45 pair.

Next is the air max game.  Max out your kick game with as many as you can.  With the ability to rock these out to anything they are the ultimate versatile bro kick.  Low top so they are rockable in the sundress months and swagged out with the freshest models and anything with a "swoosh" on the side is always acceptable.  A pair of every kind is advised and keep em all fresh to the death, we dont want to waltz around looking like we just walked out of the nearest Foot Locker like we just bought our bro kit.     We have always been bros so we have always had our foot locked in an Air Max.  90's, 95's, 97's, 360's and 24/7's

And for the basketball fans and Airness fans basketball shoes are always good for hooping or to switch it up for more of a hip hop feel.  Any Jordan except for the 15's are fly, the 15's should never be bought or worn ever. Not even in the most dire situation SHOULD NEVER BE WORN!  Nike's especially the old school 90 joints are fresh. The most desirable ballers besides 22 of the 23 Jordans are the Penny's.  Anfernee Deon "Penny" Hardaway's shoe have continued to come out almost as regular as the Jordans and have been fought to the death over, literally people slain for a pair.  So be careful if you're feeling fresh D.C. chillaxin with a fresh pair.  Be a bro and dont go anywhere where you could lose your life for them.

So if you think you're fresh and dont rock these #brokickz then you have a unique swag, uhm I guess or you are a skater I pray.  Or else you shouldn't be scrolling those sketchy eyes across the LRTz landscape.

Walk out with #brokickz cuz we take no days off and dont kick rocks

J.A.S.

#Ballerz are gonna Ball

King James aka King Jammingtonz and his main boss Dade County have been going hammington on the "C's".  The "Big" Green have been getting smashed by these two supernovas.  The King dropped big buckets all over the Celtics tonight and he did it all throughout the contest.  Wade, who went off last night on Boston, like you would on your #d.a.b. for acting like the wifey let his right hand brosef take over the game from the very start and added some positive reinforcement with 28 points and Big Bosh added a double double . 

The Celtics are finally looking like the out of date men that they are.  They can't run with the Heatles, who are hooping with chips on their shoulders.  Miami has exploited their speed advantage on the Celtics and its outmatching their intensity.  Speaking of intensity it may be offsetting the Celtics objective of winning.  Paul Pierce goes and gets kicked out of game one for yapping his trap and then they get a little physical tonight with um the God of Basketball today LBJ and you know that helped set the net enfuego with 35 points, with 24 of those puppies coming in the second half.

Rondo, who can't shoot and is NOT a #baller needs to see how it feels to start losing because the Celtics are only going to have him in a couple years and hes not going to have three HOF'ers to dish off to for his double doubles.  He dropped 20 tonight but none of them were jumpers and it almost looked like the Heat didnt give a shit when he scored because they knew they couldnt be stopped.  LBJ, Dade County and Bosh have to be thinking these past there prime brothas cant keep up with them and they have taken advantage of it.

Kevin Garnett can keep running his t-rex looking mouth but when the lights go out hes alone icing his knees wondering how hes going to make it through the next game while the REAL Big 3 are out trying to figure out how they are gonna maneuver their #d.a.b.s around their main joints that night.

Heat are enfuego, C's need to leggo

#Dap or #pound?

 Is the pound officially out of date or slowly coming back into pop culture, or is it strictly the slapping of palms with a hanging finger grip known as a #dap the way to greet forever.  Long gone is the handshake unless we are meeting the pops or your boss man.

Im sad to see the overuse of the "fist bump." When you see your main boss or whatever you call your dude, why not just engage in a dap. The dap never did anything wrong, and can seemingly be used at anytime, unless of course, you're being brofessional. In any case, when did this "fist bumping" epidemic surface?

It is kind of like the era of boy bands, the late 90's I believe. When all those sketch balls devoured the charts, making hit after hit, you simply want to ask, "Why the fuck do people think they're dope?" Personally, I want to ask everyone the same question about bumping knuckles. I understand it's quick and convenient, but then again, those very reasons conflict with the reason of a #dap. A #dap creates a conversation in itself, with no words even being spoken. A #dap says:  "Hey player, whats good? You're good. Well, I'm Good. Then it's all goods."

I'm still trying to figure out what the hell a fist-bump says? But, greet as you will, ballerz.

J.Sketch

#Gym Etiquette

The gym is essential to all ballers for many reasons, well.. actually one, women. We go to the gym to look good for the ladies, so maybe the next time at the bar or the gay ass frat party you got dragged to, our shitty ass pick-up line will work because our biceps look a little bit bigger. Nonetheless, during this time in the gym, there are proper mannerisms. The "do's and the do nots"...

If a fellow #SwellzYammington is blaring the newest mixtape from hotnewhiphop.com on his iTouch, do not by any means, make the man take out his ear phones. I mean, the dude could even be listening to techno, it doesn't matter, let him ride it out.  If you need a spot or something, relay the message through signals, these consist of friendly hand gestures, finger points, and body movements. There is nothing worse than pausing a song and talking to a dude who needs a nice spot or uh, whatever.

The Wellness Center sucks, but cut-offs don't. Wear cut-offs throughout the day. Regardless of where you are or where you are headed. It can't hurt.  Another huge issue is the common site of an over-sized water bottle. The standard 16-20 FL OZ bottles are more than enough,  i mean there is a water fountain. Do not bring a fucking gallon jug of water, holy shit, are you that thirsty?

Please refrain from wearing dumb-ass half fingered gloves too. Those were tight in 1998 when Terrell Davis wore them, yes, the running back from the Broncos. If touching weights hurts your hands that bad, you should probably just run on the canal.

Oh, and another fucking thing brothers, do not ask a dude to give you a sturdy spot on squat. Its gay. Shit, real gay at that. Take some weight off the bar to avoid another mans penis near your ass. its common law.

JAS

Every Bro Needs a #d.a.b.

There are countless things that every bro needs, but there is one thing that stands alone. Every bro needs a good D.A.B...also known as a down ass bitch. A true d.a.b. is hard to come by, and a down ass bitch is even harder to keep as a down ass.

The slogan "Down ass Bitch" should not offend any women because it is a term of endearment. D.a.b.'s are those women who actually understand the lifestyle of a bro. A d.a.b. does your laundry but doesn't complain about sleepin in dirty sheets. A d.a.b. doesn't complain about your attention when you endlessly play "franchise" in NBA2k11. Nor is a d.a.b. bothered by the greatest channel known to bro, ESPN.

Simply put, a d.a.b. knows her place. When I say this, I don't mean she sleeps on the floor. But, she understands us. A downer is always available, but she'll never even think about calling you. Oh, and of course she wants to go out to a nice place, but will find contentment with the dollar menu at the local McDonald's. Shit, she will probably even pick some Subway footlongs up on her way over.

This is all good, obviously. But, the only thing about this is...you do not bring d.a.b.'s home to meet mom. Fellaz, i warn you, do not boo-love on any type of d.a.b. If they're actually a d.a.b. they won't fall in love anyhow.

J.Sketch